Leigh: my name is k'lara loshachtii of the reb'nai, welcome to the diplomatic meeting. let’s discuss the weapons detente with the suparna galaxy then let’s have sex [PRESS X TO SKIP THE DIPLOMATIC MEETING]

Kirk: haaaaa *presses X*

Sarah: No no wait! I LOVE the way she says ‘stockpile’.

K: srsly tho tell me more about the suparna galaxy, I am intrigued

L: certainly, let me present you several dialogue options that will present you with detailed lore that will be logged in your HUD database for later perusal. in staryear 3408–

John: ACTUALLY it was staryear 14221 by the Imperial Solar Time-Standard, THANK YOUUUU

L: …the superinians discovered an ancient monolith that unleashed a space virus on the earth colony population at the time. in order to protect themselves they signed a treaty with the phipsilon tribe of a planet that was at the time only known as 'xx’ due to the fact that galaxy mapping legislation had not been signed yet at the time. the tribes would often meet for the ritual tasting of the p'taak, an artisinal soup served in a bowl made of the melted-down remnant starmetal from the S.S. winslow, the last starmetal spacecraft before the Great Resolution Of Staryear 2000 outlawed starmetal due to its treaty with the residents of popular mining site Astragh Colony 6.XII. but the soup gave them hallucinations and that is how the religion of the starophytes came to be formed and how the ritual of holding council on phtrlbbbll mountain came to pass. okay let’s bone.

K: Player: “MAN I’m glad I didn’t press X!”

S: You have to wait until I say, 'Don’t worry about the ambassador, he’s just letting off steam.’ THEN we bone!

K: srsly this demands a codex, I LOVE CODECIES can there be an entry on “Artisanal Soups of the Suparna Galaxy” y/n

L: only by collecting 'supartifacts’ in the optional ancient starmetal mining locales, they look like little soup bowls. 

S: Holy starsnacks I looked away for two seconds & I’ve already got a side-quest. WHERE IS MY CAMPING CROCKPOT?!

L: duh i mean man aren’t you guys supposed to care about game storytelling

K: the key to good storytelling, as we all know, is DELICIOUS BACKSTORY, detailed to the CUISINE LEVEL

L: you can unlock each soup recipe there, you can’t sleep with the brunian dictatrix unless you get all the soups. 

K: OMG I want the brunian dictatrix tho! A kid at school said he figured out how to get it with only a level 2 bowl! I KNOW

L: it’s very hard to get the brunian dictatrix on your first playthrough, you really have to give the 'neutral’ answers to everything, which is totally hard because of that transfribbian arc – you know the starmetal poisoning makes them natural liars. basically your best bet is to max out the colony armor, collect all the soup bowls and then level them up thru the mining minigames. dictatrix should appear if you return to the S.S. Warlord for the 4th time

S: THAT GUY IS SO FULL OF TRANSFRIBBIAN AFTERTHINK! DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS LIES. The Grillarian soupdude sells a perk, lets you use your BMI attribute 'steada Abstracted Charm

J: wait, I thought it was dependent on your LDL level, not BMI. or was it HDL? gotta check the FAQ

L: oh right sorry you can’t let Pietr Funkon join your party in act 3, you miss out on the Brkich Fabric but oh well

J: cripes, SPOILER ALERT? it’s bad enough you newbs have to minmax your way thru Gamma Sector

L:  IT’S NOT SPOILERS, it was all in the digital comic, by the Great Gnu. enter the narrative details into facebook to unlock a special berlusk helmet in the ps3 game

J: this guy? total hack. not even close to canon. http://is.gd/jK9PRb

S: That ain’t no spoiler. That’s a free tip. And you’re knobbin’ welcome.You can’t even have the Everlong Suntunic if Mousekin’s still in your party.

K: god I keep meaning to download the digital comic and forgetting. I heard it’s got good art

L: pretty good art but i don’t like the Gnu x Mousekin slash implication there

Denis: Dude, you should also try the Facebook game. Awkward sex with FB friends? Tshyeah.

K: as long as it’s canon.

D: But does it have Steam Cloud compatibility? And will the Steam nifrack helmet also transfer to my PS3?

L: i don’t know, there were conflicting reports from eurogamer and vg247

D: Sigh. At least the free unlockable DLC of the pralx spy mission is still there for my Tweet activities.

L: never claim that BioWare doesn’t love you

wait wait i thought you got the suntunic from Ambassador Popkin anyway if you saved all the winkies from Colony 7 in the Epsilon City side mission (get quest from Radha)

K: that’s always been my understanding

D: Are you sure? I thought the suntunic was if you assassinated Amb. Popkin and then enslaved the winkies for the snetres on Colony 24. Lornma appreciates it.

K: oh, Lornma. You are missed. *tear*

S: Mine had a glitch & I never found the last winkie. Sonofabitch was crying & crying…

J: Patch 1.0.21 fixes the endless winkie crying loop